A Rare Reflection

I don't post my spiritual reflections or journals ever...I never have.  They're private.  But I feel so led to post this one I think it would be disobedient; even faithless if I don't.  So here it is.

Friday, October 12, 2012

 

For some reason I just feel the Lord drawing me again and again to this theme of unconditional obedience.  It’s everywhere I turn.  It’s all over Judges, which is the book of the Bible I’m currently studying. Actually as I study Judges it’s about not being obedient, and the vast cost that has on your life and the lives of your children.  I have been moved to really evaluate my life and seek out areas where I am not being completely obedient as a result.  I’ve spent more time praying about my sin than ever in the past. 

 

Then I turn on my music which is randomly shuffling my Christian songs, and I hear a song I haven’t heard in ages.  It was “Holy is the Lord” by Andrew Peterson.  It moved me…it always has actually. 

Holy is the Lord
Holy is the Lord
And the Lord I will obey
Holy is the Lord
Holy is the Lord
And the Lord I will obey
Lord, help me I don’t know the way

 

It just a song that shows a response of unconditional obedience in the face of a terribly difficult road God has asked him to walk.  And the response, “You are Holy, I will obey.   ...but help me because I don’t know the way.”  I echo those phrases in my heart because I want this to be my response too.  I pray it always is.  It is my desire to respond like this.  I hope I do when I’m called upon.

 

                Then, this morning, it’s raining and I’m just sitting on the little sofa holding the girls.  Its divine.  They’re super content and I’m drinking my coffee enjoying the sound of the rain, the occasional chatter of my girls, and the peace that pervades my house.  I remember as I’m sitting there that I left the bedroom window propped up with a book and check to see if its rained in.  It has, so I remove the book and close the window.  I go dry the damp cover and read the title; itsKeep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot.  It was a gift and I have not yet read it although I kept it by my bed thinking I would.  I’m glad it was a gift as I rarely buy devotional/reflective books and fear I would have passed this jewel by. 

 

I open it up, and there on the first page I read, “He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him.  He came to that which was His own, but His own did not receive Him.  Yet to all who receive Him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to become the children of God..” (Elliot, 11-12)  It struck me immediately, Christ was rejected by the very people he came to save; His chosen people.  Why then am I surprised when people reject me, my pastor, or those dear friends I know love Jesus.  Why do I marvel at this as though it’s some radical idea? If Jesus was rejected, so will we.  There will be “Pharisees” in every church and its only by God’s grace I’m not one of them.  There will be unbelievers in my work place; some even hostile at the thought of Jesus, but this should not surprise or dissuade me; Jesus walked that road too, so I also can walk the road of obedience as I follow my Shepherd, my Savior, My Life.

 

 As I read on, Elisabeth Elliot describes a small poem she wrote while in college.  It went like this:

Lord, give me a quiet heart
That does not ask to understand
But confident steps forward in
The darkness guided by Thy hand

It struck me.  It moved me.  It was like God was whispering, “Heather, do you hear me?  This is what I want from you; a quiet heart, confident steps as you follow me regardless of where I lead you.”  How sweet, tender and intimate of God to orchestrate so many small details so I would hear His voice; His call specifically to me. 

 

And finally, as I continued to read I came across these poignant words, “’Lord, You have assigned my portion and my cup, and have made my lot secure.’ (Psalm 16:5) I know no greater simplifier for all of life. Whatever happens is assigned. Doe the intellect balk at that?  Can we say that there are things which happen to us which do not belong to our lovely assigned “portion” (“This belongs to it; this does not”)?    (Elliot, 18). 

 

I read these words and was again moved.  Who am I to say, this is not right.  This is not of God, and then turn around and pray He takes away what He’s clearly given me?  Its arrogance.  Its ignorance.   Who am I to judge the hand of the Almighty, who has sought me out, wooed me with His lavish love and walks with me, even when I’m to dumb to notice?   How many mornings have I missed His quiet voice?  How many times have I questioned His path?  I pray my response from here on out is, “Holy is the Lord, and the Lord I will obey.  Lord, help me I don’t know the way,” 

 

Long ago, during our long drawn out adoption process with Avery, I was lamenting the multiple delays and I asked God why; why did he let my baby stay so long away from and I was tempted to doubt Him.  He gave me these words which I still cling to and replay in my mind, “Will you question my love for you just because you don’t understand my sovereignty?”  It broke my heart.  I pray I never do again