Something to Look Forward to!

Yesterday I received an e-mail from Holt saying they were going to get video of Addison next time she came in for her Well Baby Check. I am so excited about this!!!! How wonderful! All seriousness set aside, I'll just be thrilled to see her little face, her chubby legs, her smile, her babbling, …her. I can't wait to see how she's changed! The only photo we have of her was when she was 6 weeks old, so she looks completely different now. We probably won't recognize her! I'm so excited! Any medical knowledge that can be gained from the video will be secondary to me falling in love with her. I doubt that's a rational approach, but right now, I simply do not care. That news was a great encouragement to me! YEAH!

Update on Addison…(here we go again)

Its ironic that I just taught a lesson over fear at Bible study Monday night and then am struggling with it the very next day. (I guess God wants me to live what I teach..amazing..I thought I had this one down?!) I got a new medical update on Addison. I thought it was odd, because we already got her well baby check for October and won't get anything again until the end of November. I opened the attachments to find that the doctor and FM were noting that "she wags her head and arms three times for 2-3 second intervals, but then stops when she is held." (What does "wag" mean anyway???) In addition, she has significant head lag still at 6 months old.

Now I realize that this could be nothing at all, but I also realize it could be something. The "little something" we noted with our first referral ended up being HUGE, even life threatening. So we've decided to ask for video of both the head lag and the "wag of the head and arms." We are also requesting an EEG be done just to rule out any seizure activity. There is a huge part of me that really doesn't think anything is wrong…after all, seizures don't stop when a child is held, but there is still some uncertainty mixed in. I believe this is just the foster mom and doctors being extra careful, which I'm thankful for. Whatever the case may be, this report is unsettling and I would, yet again, ask for your prayers. I've chosen not to worry knowing that God is gracious in all that He does, but your prayers would definitely be appreciated as we pray for this situation and in doing so, thank God for is mercy, provision, and choose to trust him, even though I feel very prone to fret.

I ended Monday night's Bible study with the following verse: "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-8. Pray that the peace of God guards our hearts and that our little girl is found to be healthy. Thanks so much. We appreciate you all.

YEAH! Some Movement!!!

Oh yes!!!! Korea has approved Addison's Emigration Permit!!!! YEAH!! We are SO delighted! This part of the process can take 2-3 months...sometimes even longer and it only took about three weeks for us to get it!! (It was approved on October 20th!) That is a complete miracle! I'm so excited to see some movement with her paperwork!!! We are still waiting on her Legals from Korea. Were hoping to get those within the next ten days so we can submit her i600 which has to be approved in order for her to get a visa!! I'm SO SO SO excited!!! God is gracious...so gracious and kind!

Update on Addison

We just received our monthly update on Addison and I'm delighted to report she is doing great! She currently weighs 18lbs. which places her in the 79^th percentile for weight. As for her length she is now 25 inches long which places her in the 25% for height. So basically she is a round little chunk! She is now able to get up on all fours, but is not yet crawling. She can stand up while holding onto her Foster mom's hands. She is also laughing, cooing, and can say "ma-ma" and "um-um." (…Which is probably "umma," the Korean word for mother.) Developmentally she is right on target and we are really happy for such a great report! We don't have any new photos but were really hoping we get some soon.

Christ = Life

“It’s imperative we see that God is not interested in making our lives better. He’ll have nothing to do with being a supplemental enhancement to support our personal goals and ambitions. He’s not a sidekick, co-pilot, or self-help guru, and we should stay as far away from so-called Christianity that presents God as a way to improve our lives. God is life itself. Christ is life itself. We cannot live apart from God.”

*quote from the book, Your Jesus Is Too Safe, -p. 225

Gotta Love Football

Awesome Photos!

I love this Website.

The photos are incredible!!!!

Check it out!

Addison's Care Package

Adoptive parents are able send “care packages” to their children in Korea. They way this works is you fill a box with items you want given to your child, mail it to the agency and then they will give the package to the foster mom. We wanted to send a care package to Addison, so the boys and I went shopping to find her some things. I gave each boy a small amount of money and then we went to Target so they could choose items they wanted to send to their baby sister. We were there a long time as each boy labored to choose the perfect items to put in the care package. Here are some photos of the fun we had

Jacker decided the blanket was a far better gift than a teether!

Drew couldn't decide what outfit to choose..too many choices!

Nick & Drew were discussing who would get this outfit as they both liked it.

Oh no!!! Did you catch us shopping!!!

Who knew he'd be so cute in pink!!!

Look mom!!!! baby Ugs!!!

Here's what they all ended up with! We had so much fun!

Enjoy your gifts baby girl! We love you!

The Financial Side of Adoption

I think it’s common knowledge that adoption is not a cheap endeavor. I’ve had people ask me how we can pay for this adoption and I’m sure there are plenty of other people who don’t ask for fear of overstepping personal boundaries. Well, I’m a pretty open person and I believe that questions about our adoption just give me more opportunities to share God’s hand in our lives. I’ll be frank, when we started this journey we were doing well financially. At that point it seemed quite affordable and more importantly we both knew God was leading us to this.

As God would have it, as soon as we were accepted as adoptive parents (in April 2008) by our agency our financial status began to slowly change. Over the past year and a half our finances have slowly dwindled, and we are financially nowhere close to where we were at the beginning of this journey. I don’t say this to solicit sympathy or money…God has been faithful to provide (of course!) and in this path we are learning to really, really lean on Him, trust Him, and be faithful even when life doesn’t appear to be “panning out” nicely. I am learning so much by being in this place…and I know I have much more to learn.

I say all of this because I found a post written by an adoptive father whose reflections on faith, money and adoption also reflect my heart. I could rewrite it, but his words are perfect, so I’ll just borrow them and tell you, that his beliefs and heart are also mine. Please read his post and really think about what he says. It is applicable reagrdless of where you are in life.

Read his post by clicking here.

Why You Need to Start Talking to Yourself More

I found this post over at The Gospel Coalition. (which is a great blog/website too)

"Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Somebody is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you. Now this man’s treatment [in Psalm 42] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says, “Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.”

-D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression pp. 20-21

The Sobering Truth

I came across this video over at 1517 (my very favorite blog) and was saddened at the truth that was so clearly stated by John MacArthur. (Who is one of my favorite preachers.)

Beautifully Stated

When I read the following *post, I was impressed with the simplicity with which God’s sovereignty and salvation was addressed:

"However contrary it is our our Western cultural commitment to egalitarianism, to insist on a universal application of grace is to violate the character of grace. God’s redemptive grace is a gift, a completely unearned divine favor given out of love. The giver is always sovereign in the giving of a gift. That is to say, the giver is free to give and free not to give, and he gives the gift to whomever he chooses. The words obligation and gift mutually exclude one another. The common rejection of the doctrine of election in favor of a universally dispensed grace not only denies God the divine prerogative to chose whom he will redemptively love but also makes God’s grace a necessary structure of the world. If grace is an obligation, a structure or an entitlement, it is no longer a gift, and no longer grace. Redemptive grace is always unexpected, beyond the norm, and out of the ordinary. Grace can never be taken for granted, assumed, or presumed upon. God is never obligated to redeem.”

—Michael D. Williams, Far as the Curse is Found, 105

*found at firstimportance.com

Here's Some Autumn Reading for ya!

I’m reading a new book entitled Why We Love the Church by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Cluck. It is such a great book! I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you’ve given up on church, or are disillusioned with it, if you’re tired or thrilled with church this book will be worth your time.

Here’s just one excerpt:

“…The church has often been despised. It would be wrong to wear unpopularity as a sure marker of faithfulness. But by the same token, we should not assume we have failed just because outsiders dislike us. It is well known that the Romans despised the early Christians. They were considered odd, unlearned, ungodly, culturally lowbrow, and socially unprofitable. The Romans thought the Christians practiced cannibalism because they ate the body and drank the blood of Jesus. Some thought they were incestuous because they called each other 'brother' and 'sister' and took part in love feasts. Others thought they were atheists because they had no icons for their God….Their early press was uniformly bad. It can be helpful to know how others perceive us, but not always. In our self-esteem-oriented, easily offended, suffering-adverse world, I fear that the church is too eager to be liked….Of course Christianity has an ‘image problem.’ At times, this is our own fault. But at other times, our lack of an image has been just as damning. We’ve been indistinct from the world with nothing to set us apart, nothing to suggest a transformed life or renewed thinking bound by the Word of God.”

Get a cup of coffee, crack open this book, and enjoy the fall weather!

From Anxiety to Peace

I ran across the following post on a blog entitled The Gospel Coalition. It gave a quick summary of how Christians can go from being anxious and worried to having peace. The points were worth noting...and applying, if you tend to worry. (Like I tend to right now.)

Remind Yourself That God Is In Control: When you convince yourself that your world is out of control, you are on the verge of paralysis. Watch your self-talk. Are you saying to yourself: “God is in control of this circumstance, He is my Father, and He is ruling this for my benefit”?

Accept Confusion: Believing in God’s sovereignty doesn’t mean life will make sense. Believing in God’s sovereignty is needed because life doesn’t make sense. Your rest is not in figuring out your circumstances–your rest is in the God behind the circumstances.

Don’t Allow Emotions To Rule: As much as the emotions you experience will be right, good, and appropriate, don’t let them set the agenda. There is a temptation to do that, but allowing yourself to be pulled away by the emotions of the moment could cause you to regret your decisions later.

Distinguish Needs From Wants: Be very careful what you put in your catalog of “need.” The minute you tell yourself something is a need, you’re saying it is essential for life. Then you are going to determine that you can’t live without it. It’s easy to attach yourself and your sense of security to the gift rather than to the Giver.

Know Your Job Description: God promises to provide. Your job is to live the way God has called you to live. Instead of giving way to discouragement, look for ways you can contribute to God’s people at the moment.

Run To God, Not Away From Him: God’s promise to us is not first the relief of the suffering–His promise is to give us Himself. He will never turn a deaf ear to the natural cries of a person of faith when life doesn’t make sense. God hears and answers and works and comforts.

-Summarized by Tullian Tchividjian (via Susan Fiske) Taken from Paul Tripp’s six actions steps for combating anxiety.

Introducing Addison Hope

So Monday we received a phone call from our adoption agency saying they had matched us with another baby. We were stunned. They had said it would take 6-8 weeks, but it took 6 days! We were thinking November, and it was September. It was very surprising. The social worker said that on the rare occasion something like this happens they are always quick to match asap.

Our baby girl was born May 1, 2009. She is fussy according to her file. It stated she cried when bathed, (especially when her hair was washed) “showed her temper” when she was wet or hungry, and “fretted” when she was tired, but would stop when rocked to sleep. Humm… so she cries when shes hungry, tired, wet, or bathed…I think that’s all the time. She sounds like a spit-fire already.

Although we don’t feel ready to “move on,” we have found this to be a source of encouragement. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still sad about Brooke; I still cry at times, and there is a big part of me that feels guilty being excited about another baby. …and then a part of me that feels guilty about not being “excited enough” about the new baby. I’m quite a mix of emotions right now and we thank you for your continued prayers. It means so much to us. Please continue to pray for Brooke. We love her still. Please pray for this baby who we’ve name Addison Hope; “Addison” after the baby we lost. (her name was Brooke Addison), and “Hope” because God has given us great, unshakable Hope. To Him be the glory.

Psalm 116:12: “How can I repay the Lord for all the good he has done for me?”

Another Quote

The following quote is by Martin Burnham. They were his last words to the Rose Hill Bible Church where he spoke on May 23, 2001 – just days before his return to the Philippines and his capture – were printed on the funeral program:

*"I wasn't called to be a missionary; I wasn't called to the Philippines; I was just called to follow Christ; and that is what I'm doing."

It is my ambition to follow Christ; regardless.

*(I came across this quote over at John Piper's site; desiringgod.org)

God's Path

How I know God ordained this path for us.

#1 Christa: God placed her in my life so when I lost the referral, I had someone to talk to who understood, had walked this exact path, and clung to God though this process. Incidentally she also has three boys! (Losing a referral is an unusual thing and doesn’t happen frequently so this is truly Gods divine hand.)

#2 His presence: He has been exceptionally close and has sustained me in countless ways. His presence has been sweetly comforting and has given me a peace that truly passes my understanding.

#3 We had already discussed losing a referral long before we ever got a referral.

#4 Each morning I get up, the lessons, sermons, or chapters I read for my devotions has dealt with God’s sovereignty, His incredible love, or His compassion for us. Every morning He continually reminds me that He loves me and is near.

#5 Our next baby’s name will be Addison Hope: Addison after this baby we lost (Her name was Brooke Addison), and Hope because God has given me great hope even in sadness. Her name will be a testament to His faithfulness. To Him the glory.

#7 The Bible teaches this: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Sidenote: We truly thank you for your prayers. They mean so much to us. We are overwhelmed with your concern, and the fact that so many have decided to pray for us and Brooke. Little Brooke needs much prayer, so we thank for your continued prayers as well.

A Psalm

Psalm 143:8

Let me experience Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You. Reveal to me the way I should go because I long for You.

Broken

I’m so sad. I just feel engulfed by emptiness and inhabited by a lonely hallow. My baby isn’t mine. I’ll never hold her. How many times did I touch her face as I stared at her on my computer screen. I’ll never touch her. I’ll never hold her. Oh Please God place her in the arms of a family who will adore her and love her and pray over her; a family that will kiss her since I can’t. Show her Yourself and make her heart adore the God whose greatness is beyond my sorrow. To You be the glory.

Some Questions Answered

I’ve had quite a few questions about Brooke, so I thought I’d answer a couple of them here.

#1) Will she be adopted even though she has health problems?
-Yes, there is a program called “The Waiting child Program” that is strictly for parents who want to adopt children with various health issues. Some people wait up to a year to be matched with one of these children, so yes, I believe she will be adopted…hopefully very soon. (I explained this is an earlier post..so click here to read more)

#2) Why couldn’t your family adopt her?
When couples first apply to adopt, they are given a health checklist which basically is a list of health problems a child might have. You check any you would be open to and to what severity (mild moderate, serious). We checked quite a few, but none of the problems Brooke developed were ones we had agreed to. In addition to that, her problems were serious and were going to require extensive care. The agency felt she would be better matched with a family who had previously requested such needs and were better prepared to meet her medical needs. My head agrees, but my heart doesn’t.

How to pray for Brooke.
· Pray her condition doesn’t’ worsen and that she can have a relatively normal life.
· Pray she is placed with a Christian family who will nurture her physically and spiritually.
· Pray the doctors in Korea can find the source of her problems and treat them effectively.
· Pray that she comes to know Christ as her Savior.

Adoption Update

We found out today that we are not going to be able to proceed with our adoption due to the health problems Brooke has developed. In the span of a month, she has gone from seemingly healthy to having serious issues. It has been determined that she will be placed with a family who has requested her specific medical issues and has been approved to take on her various needs. We will be placed at the top of the list of people waiting to be matched with a baby. We greatly appreciate your prayers and although we are heartbroken we know God’s plan is always perfect and He is always good, even in our sorrow.

“The Lord Gives and the Lord takes away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I Will Bless the Lord

Today we expect to get the rest of Brooke’s medical reports from Korea. Today is most likely when we will know if we can continue with her adoption. I’m dreading this day. This morning when I woke up to pray God gave me this Psalm. Here it is:

I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in the LORD;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
O magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the LORD, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
-Pslam 32:1-4

I will bless Him regardless of how this day ends. I will bless Him in spite of tomorrow. I will continually bless the Lord.

He is Able

An evidence that our will has been broken is that we begin to thank God for that which once seemed so bitter, knowing that His will is good and that, in His time and in His way, He is able to make the most bitter waters sweet.

-Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Place of Quiet Rest, Moody, 2000, p. 70.

Bring Me Anything that Brings You Glory

Update on Brooke

All adoptive parents receive regular medical updates on their children. We get one every month. Upon Brooke being referred to us, we received her entire file which included all of these medical check-ups. We had a doctor look at everything and she was deemed to be in great health by her American & Korean doctors. (Just FYI, Korea has health care which is on par with the US. They’re a very affluent, developed nation) This last Wednesday we received a new medical update, like always, but this time there were some noted problems that were newly discovered. She had an EEG and it was determined by the neurologist that she was having seizures. There was other information noted too, but for the sake of her privacy and the length of my post, I’ll spare you those details. At any rate, as various doctors reviewed her file, her prognosis became more and more uncertain. There are many risks and unknowns associated with her symptoms and right now there is no way of telling how all of this will affect her.

When we applied to adopt, we were admitted into the “Regular Korea Program” which means we were approved and agreed to adopt a healthy baby girl. There is an alternative program called the “Waiting Child Program” which is a program where couples are approved to adopt a child with certain health problems, some mild, moderate and others severe. (The parent choose what they are open to) Because we are not in the Waiting Child Program, we are not approved to adopt a child with major medical problems. Brooke could very possibly be facing some major health issues. If it is determined that she is, then we will not be permitted to adopt her. We are still awaiting more reports which we expect on Monday, but honestly, we don’t expect her prognosis to improve. We have had a couple doctors look at her file and they are all saying the same thing. (which is not good)

Please pray in the following ways:

1. Pray God is glorified and lifted up regardless of the outcome.
2. Pray for Brooke’s health.
3. Pray that Brooke is placed in a Christian home with parents who love her, even if its not with us.

We do love you all, but honestly, we don't want to explain this over an over as it is a painful subject. We kindly ask that you don't call and ask for more information, because right now we are struggling. Thank you so much for love and understanding. We deeply appreciate your prayers and support. It means more than you'll ever know.

Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Great quote

"God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain. but without stain."

-C.S. Lewis

A Slice of my Heart Today...

God is good all the time.

He is good when I’m sick; He is good when I’m well.
He is good when I’m scared; He is good when I’m comforted.
He is good when I’m sad; He is good when I’m happy
He is good when I’m confused; He is good when I understand.
He good when I struggle; He is good when its easy.
He is good in loss; He is good in gain
He is good regardless of my circumstances.

God is good all the time.

Jesus is Altogether Different

He chose a barn. We would have chosen for him the women’s center at the nearest hospital.
He chose obscurity. We would have chosen notoriety.
He prepared for ministry by being tempted and hungry. We choose vacation.
He picks clueless, proud, misguided fishermen and a tax collector. We use résumés.
He tells us the way to save our life is to lose it. We upsize everything.
Jesus lets a whore wash his feet with her hair. We would have kicked her out and laughed at her hair.
Jesus tells stories so some cannot understand. We tell stories so they can.
Jesus rejoices that the wise don’t get it. We fire pastors for such things.
Jesus forgives a traitor. We would have laughed when Rush Limbaugh parodied him.
Jesus promises a sword. We promise peace and happiness.
Jesus celebrates mustard-seed faith. We celebrate actors and rock stars.
Jesus went to where he would be rejected. We run towards acceptance.
Jesus offends people with weird statements to the point of them leaving him. We soften and smooth out the rough edges.
Jesus teaches hard doctrines to simple people. We ask them to say the ‘sinner’s prayer.’
Jesus attracted those who needed him and his message of forgiveness of sin. We attract those most likely to watch Fireproof.
Jesus makes strong wine. We forbid it.
Jesus asks us to choose our souls over gaining the whole world. We dream of bigger houses and nicer cars.
Jesus’ default was grace. Ours is law.
Jesus is in sync with what God is doing. We ask for people to get in sync with us.
Jesus ridiculed the religious leaders of the day. We give them deference.
Jesus emptied himself of his glory. We buy Coach purses.
Jesus says we are blessed when we are persecuted. We think we need a lawyer.
Jesus prepares us for a cross. We shoot for the primrose path.
Jesus tells us to lay up treasures in heaven. We buy storage space.
Jesus is not impressed by every profession of faith. We make big announcements about every one.
Jesus heals as he moves toward his own suffering. We move away from suffering while moving toward our own health.
Jesus let his friend die so we could see God’s glory. We glorify God only when someone is healed.
Jesus says it is good for him to go away and for us to have the Spirit. We, pastors think our congregation cannot survive without us.
Jesus prays that we would see his glory. We grumble when everyone does not see our value.
Jesus made himself nothing. Pastors want to be called “Dr.”
Jesus goes to the cross. We get practical.
Jesus died to justify sinners. We are dying to justify our sin.

Jesus is altogether different.

Written by Matt Redmond - Associate Pastor, Metro East

Jesus Intrudes on Our Space

I’m reading the book entitled, Your Jesus is Too Safe by Jared C. Wilson. It is a fabulous read and I highly recommend it. In it, Mr. Wilson reveals the Jesus the Bible really portrays, not the Jesus we see paraded around to fill church seats or sell books. Mr. Wilson also shows his readers that the reason the world doesn’t “get” Jesus is because we “have spent decades selling a Jesus cast in our own image” and ignored what the Bible actually says about him.

In one section He talks about Jesus the prophet. He reminds us that the role of the prophet was to intrude upon the lives of the hearers. He says, “This is what Jesus the prophet does. He inserts himself into our workaday lives, he invades our space and exposes our hearts. He tells us the ugly truth about ourselves, but not to shame or punish us, but to open us up, to provoke us and prompt us, to disarm our defenses and turn us –all of us, our whole selves-toward him."

Prayer Specifics

We went on a small trip over Labor Day weekend to visit family. While there we saw many cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends. We were so overwhelmed by everyone’s excitement and interest in Baby Brooke. We greatly appreciated all the people who stated they were already praying for her quick arrival home. Thank you SO much for that! We are moved by your love and concern! I did want to give those praying some very specific things to pray about:

1. Pray we get her “legals” from Holt Korea ASAP! (her “legals” are papers that prove she is an orphan, prove she was relinquished legally, prove she is healthy, etc…)

2. Once we get “legals” they are sent to immigration. Pray we get our i600 immigration form approved ASAP so she can get her Visa. (Immigration can be a huge mess…so please pray this goes smoothly!!)

3. There are many other smaller things to pray about, but these are the two major things looming right now that could slow down her arrival!

Thanks to all of you! We are so grateful of your support and love!

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

I have the cutest boys ever!!!

Moved to Tears

Imagine being a twenty-year-old, living in alone Uganda, adopting 13 children, and relying completely on God's provisions to provide for you, your chidlren, and the 400 other children who now depend on you for their care. This isn't a fantastic story I've made up. Its the real life of a girl named Katie from Tennesse who left college, went to Uganda; and stayed. I cried when I read her story. I plan to support her ministry. Here is the link to her blog where she chronicles her day to day life in Uganda. Her faith is incredible, convicting, and humbling. May we be more like her.

Please take time to read her story.

Here is the link to the Ministry created to support her work with orphans in Uganda: Amazima Ministries. I've also added this link to my side bar.

Don't be "Google for God"

Here is a great video clip with easy-to-apply advice on how to witness to friends and neighbors.